Although people get married on any day during the year, June has traditionally been a popular month for weddings. Against the backdrop of flowers, lush green lawns, birdsong, and warm, unhurried days, young couples say their vows with sincere hearts and tears in their eyes. As June waltzes forward and the first day of summer has just passed by, I find my thoughts ruminating on marriage and what makes it last a lifetime.
Here are some of my musings…
It all begins with a gift, a gift given to each of us, and that gift is TIME — time to walk a journey, time to weave a tapestry, time to tell our story.
For many of us, marriage is a pivotal plot in our life story. When we marry someone, it is usually in the fresh idealism of youth. We feel euphoric emotions and call it “love.” Our hearts are full of hope as we choose the companion with whom we will travel through life. With sincere and eager hearts, we promise to take this person as wife or husband…
“for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”
And yet, it is in the daily steps we walk with someone where love bears out and undergirds us, not only in the high points and proud moments but also in the disappointments and setbacks we will inevitably encounter along the way.
A marriage that has lasted a lifetime is the result, not of a beautiful wedding ceremony, or even of the vows spoken on that day so long ago. No, a marriage lasts because a couple lives those vows in the thousands of little habits, decisions, and disciplines throughout the days…
Days that become weeks,
Weeks that become months,
Months that become years,
Years that become a LIFE.
I recently read this powerful quote:
“The heart follows the habits.”
It’s a little statement packed with truth. The habits a person establishes and practices time after time form a faithful heart by building character. Each habit is like a little stitch in the tapestry we weave. Together, they create a pattern. In the end, it will show our life’s picture—the story we have told with our one precious gift of TIME.
To prioritize each other, a couple practices habits of unity,
habits of humility,
habits of mutual submission,
habits of patience,
habits of respect,
habits of forgiveness.
All these habits forge bonds that knit together two hearts into one beautiful fabric, making one story out of the two.
Scripture gives us many examples of habits that strengthen marriages and relationships. Perhaps the most beloved is 1 Corinthians 13:4-8:
Love is patient.
Love is kind.
It is not envious.
Love does not brag or boast.
Love is not rude.
It is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered.
It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices when truth prevails.
Love bears all things, and believes all things, looking for the best in each one.
It hopes all things, remaining steadfast during difficult times, and it always perseveres.
Love never fails.
What a courageous portrait of love!
Even though each of us falls short, we continue to nurture and work on these traits because we bear God’s image. Thankfully, love’s nature covers over a multitude of wrongs; it forgives repeatedly. God’s grace is there for us when we fall short.
In marriage, we imitate God when we practice grace towards our husband or wife.
Marriage is ultimately a sacred training ground where we practice living into the image of God. When we practice denying ourselves and lifting another up, we become a little more like Jesus, deliberately setting aside self and seeing through our spouse's eyes. Marriage is a sanctuary, a set-apart place, a microcosm of God’s Kingdom of Love.
Well-known poet, T.S. Eliot wrote, there is “a lifetime burning in every moment.” A lifetime of intentional moments is how a marriage lasts! We practice the habits of love by choosing each other in all the little moments of all our days. By doing so, we create a haven. Each has become a safe place for the other’s heart, a true home where love has settled in.
A few simple practices that form habits:
Overlook personality quirks.
Let things go.
Communicate regularly about finances.
Share at least one hug every day.
Leave a note of encouragement where your spouse will find it.
Take a daily saunter with your spouse - talk, hold hands, listen.
Tell your spouse they are a good parent; give one reason.
Do a chore your spouse usually does.
During a disagreement, set aside your own point of view and look at it from your spouse's perspective.
Can you think of more?
Further growth and inspiration:
Website:
Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott are experts in marriage counseling and best-selling authors in their field. Check out their website and subscribe to their weekly devotional.
Movies:
Fireproof, starring Kirk Cameron and Erin Bethea, a movie about a young couple whose marriage is on the brink of divorce. The husband uses principles in The Love Dare to turn their story around.
When Love is not Enough: The Lois Wilson Story, starring Winona Ryder and Barry Pepper. This movie is based on the true and inspiring story of Lois Wilson and her love for her alcoholic husband, Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Shadowlands, starring Anthony Hopkins and Debra Winger.
This movie tells the story of C.S. Lewis and his wife Joy as they journey through her cancer and eventual passing.
Books:
The Love Dare by Stephen Kendrick and Alex Kendrick
The Good Fight, How Conflict Can Bring You Closer by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott
by Heather J. Willis, author
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